agaknyaa.. dah hampir 4 bulan aku tak update. malas?yahh! memang. tak dak mood satu hal. well, haritu aku update masa baru masuk sem kan? harini dah mnggu finals, hehe. tgk betapa malasnya aku. hah! whatevahh. okayh. life? okayh, been missing danny and iris. semua mcm okayh ja la, rumah pun best. i got my own desk man! wah happy semcm.
dah masuk sem gamma/beta. aku ni pelik sikit sbb lambat majoring pnya subject dari orang lain. haih. dah pindah rumah sewa. Cyberia B2-7-10. tengah tahan gayat tapi ada jgak ketaq tu mai kacau. elak duduk lama lama
kat balkoni. itu ja. well . buat masa sekarang barang tak pindah lagi sari rumah syahmi. lepas first kelas kot. sbb penat 2 hari lepas tak habis. malas nk fikir pasal barang barang tu lagi. banyak kot. dgn bilik tak susun lagi. haiyak! first kelas multimedia scripting beb! aku benci betul coding coding ni. erghhhhh!!
It's like every time I have a problem to solved, you came by with your ego and being so unsupportive and make everything was about yourself and the world revolve around you. MALU? try put yourself inside my shoes, i think we better off. maybe until you stop thinking that everything is about you.
I'm sick of people forcing me to do what they want but never do what I want. I have my own life and dreams and other stuff that I want. why I can't be happy? why must I obey people? I want my life. I love travel and food. why can't I have all that? I am grateful of what I have now, I just wanna be happy and do what I want. thats all.
aduh. i hate this feeling. kadang kadang agak menyusahkan kalau asyik mengidam kalah orang pregnant. haiyoooo. kalau makanan tu tak dapat. seksanyaaaa. tak tau nak habaq dah aihhh. well this month. I crave for hot chocolate with marsh, pizzaaa and takoyaki. yummmmaayhh
dah nak masuk 4 minggu masuk sem baru. tak update blog langsung. malas bebenor. :P
well, saya ambik 3 subject sem ni. mandarin, ghazal and workplace communication.
memang malas betul sem ni. dah level infinity. haha
okayh. plan nak cari kerja masih ada just tak tau nak kerja mana. seriously. tak tau.
if you love, you will fight for me,
if you love me, you will do anything for me.
if you love me, you won't let those stupid fight ruined our life,
if you love me you will help me through all my trouble.
now I just have to accept the fact that you don't love me anymore. and i'm not worth of your time.
haih. still not feeling good. i spent my time shopping, cleaning and with my old friend. still can't stop thinking. and of course i was thinking of you. hmm.
bila difikirkan balik. aku mula ada depression lepas 3 4 bulan in the relationship. bukan nak kata itu punca aku tertekan. mungkin aku tak boleh handle beban hubungan ni sebab ini first time aku dalam hubungan betul betul serious. takut aku tak dpt nak happykan org, dan bila aku try. aku pulak tak rasa happy or puass. rasa mcm seksa sgt jiwa ni.
aku mula buat benda yang aku sendiri jarang/tak pernah buat. aku jadi obses dgn semua benda. suka lari dari tempat tinggal aku. nak duduk sejauh jauhnya dari tempat tu. sebab kalau aku tertekan. duduk dlm
tempat yang sempit akan bt aku fikir yang bukan bukan pasal diri aku. yang paling obvious, aku suka lukakan diri aku. tpi bukan potong tgn dgn pisau bagai. i'm not that crazy. aku suka kopek bibir, ibu jari tgn aku smpai berdarah.. bila kering kopek lagi. tak penah bosan.
i'm not a germ freak. tapi rasa mcm nak kearah tu dah. but i hope not. dlm bag aku ada everything. and 2 hand sanitizer. takut yang tgh guna tiba tiba habis. i can't live without it. everything in my life ada spare. i even carry first aid kit everywhere i go. takut anything will happen. and i can't help it if i dont have the first aid kit with me. this is so hard. the only way to survive this i write and travel, but no one understand me. i i do that because i want to keep myself calm for a while.
i'll always think about death and how it will affect my whole life after, what happen if i lose all the people i love. i can't stop. sampai dah obses dgn semua tu. buat aku lagi tertekan.
i just want someone who can be with me. do anything and be happy for me. i'm not okay. i know i'm sick. sapa yang kenal aku memang tau aku byk sgt penyakit. but he will be there to tell me everything is gonna be alright. aku suka aku yg dulu. kuat, independent and boleh survive hidup. now,im so vulnerable.
i know you will be reading this. i just want you to know its fuckin hard to just let go after what we've been through. its been a tough tough 2 months. i thought we can handle everything. but about sacrifice and balance. this is where i draw the line. i wanna be happy at the same time i want you to be happy with me. from what i see and things that happen around us, i can see that we're not happy anymore. too much things happen around us. and you can't sacrifice anything for me. i been through alot for you. and you? u just said 'i can't' thats your answer. i never accept that answer anymore. its hard for me. don't imagine me happy and enjoy this breakup. i'm not.
its been 8 hours of non stop crying.
I know you're not happy with me anymore, like we used to. busy with our own life, work and other stuff. we already tried to make this relationship worked. but maybe you weren't meant to be with me like we always imagine. we already tried.
I Love You. Bye.
benda dah rosak. kita tampal la dgn gam paling kuat pun. lama2 akan terbuka balik. atleast aku usaha. aku takkan tinggalkan benda yang aku nak mcm tu ja. janji tetap janji. cuba sampai mati k. bye
we watched Journey 2 together. shopping buku. i miss you already.see you in 2 weeks :')
birthday present dari ayah. first time pakai beg mcm ni :P tolong jgn kutawa yah
well. happy 19 months and one day raja azim, kita ni sibuk sampai lupa habis semalam. hehe.
i love you and will always love you no matter what happen.
tolong jangan tanya mana birthday cake aku boleh tak? dah lepas dok sibuk tanya lg. =/
btw, i miss wan. 13 years already. still rasa mcm semalam dia pegi.
Al- Fatihah.
harini birthday, harini jgak kena p keja. pkul 4 am bangun and mula perjalanan ke seremban. awal awal tu p stadium paroi ambik gmbar sunrise.makan nasik lemak smpai senak perut. spnjang shooting dok tahan. sampai 1 tahap tu rasa mcm nk pecah perut. then pukul 8.30am kami pun p rumah player tu. start shooting smpai tghari. makan jap. abg tu blnja.alhamdulilah.. then around 2 pm kmi settle then gerak balik. aku rasa masa aku jln dari zebra balik bilik tu. aku separuh sedaq. tak igt sgt pa aku bt :P
ini last post aku sebagai belasan. wah dah tua aku ni.. bila cerita pasal aku nak 20 ni. mak selalu kata "mak dah kawen dah time ni" aku pun jawab "mak~~klu anis betoi2 kawen macamna?" mak aku terdiam sengih sorang sorang dia. =.=
well..sebagai conclusion. aku rasa hidup aku ni oklah, cuma aku nak buang 2 3 penyesalan yang aku dok fikir fikir sepanjang 5 6 tahun ni. bila difikirkan balik. mungkin betul jugak keputusan aku tapi.. rasa sesal tu still ada. hmm. dah lah. aku harap lah. hidup aku lagi bahagia dan lancar sampai ke tua nanti :)
zaman belasan jugak lah aku, jumpak teman sejati, kawan susah senang. terima aku yang gila dan tak betul ni.
dan aku jumpak cinta sejati, kawan baik,orang paling bertahan dgn perangai aku dan harap dia jodoh aku insyaAllah. :)
bye belasan dan hai puluhan.
